Everyone seems to have an opinion about what will make your son or daughter happy in adult life. Unfortunately, some of it is based on what is most prudent for programs not on person centered planning.
Whether he is high functioning and can learn to self advocate or needs a more involved advocate he has a right to be totally involved in choosing a future that will make him happiest. You can help him on the journey to pursue what will be a happy life but he needs to be as involved in those choices as possible.
If at all possible start taking your younger child to I.E.P.'s so she starts to learn advocating from you and to have as much understanding of oppportunities for the future as possible.
In Parenting an Adult with Disabilities or Special Needs, I have included some exercises you could try together to help him demonstrate interest in specific plans. Hopefully, it will be helpful in jumpstarting the conversations between you.
Until next time,
Peggy Lou Morgan
for a list of my sites see www.peggyloumorgan.com